#4 Chloé (English Version)

(For the Spanish version see below)

Thomas was sitting on the coach of his friends’ house holding a cup of red wine. He would have just accepted a regular beer, but Mathieu insisted on opening a bottle of one of his best Bordeaux. He wanted somehow to celebrate Thomas’ return, even though Thomas thought that there was nothing to celebrate.

“So, are you going to tell me what have you been doing those last 6 years?”

Thomas was looking the cup, trying to avoid Mathieu’s questions. He did not know what to answer that was coherent.

“If I told you that time hasn’t passed only for me, would you believe me?”

Mathieu frowned to show his disapproval.

“Come on Thomas, don’t bug me. That’s impossible! What you have to do is trying to remember what you’ve been doing during the last 6 years! It’s impossible that you were gone in 2010 and you’ve been roaming in a kind of limbo until now. You have to explain it us! We deserve an answer, what happened that day?”

Thomas was silent. It was completely impossible for him to express clearly his feelings and thoughts. Mathieu’s son was playing with a toy car in front of them. His father was hypnotized each time the little kid tried to get his attention.

“I don’t know Mathieu; I don’t know what to think. I try to remember but it’s useless. I’m not able to explain what I’ve been doing as I remember nothing. I don’t even understand why I left. I didn’t run away, I didn’t choose to disappear. That’s the only thing I am completely sure…”

“So, maybe it’s a good idea if you go to visit a specialist.”

Thomas whispered. He knew that his friend was right. He was turning down going to visit a psychologist each time his mother suggested it. He had to clarify what happened that night of 2010 in order to move forward. The problem was that when he tried it, he had a mental block and sadness took over him. Mathieu realized the suffering of his friend and put his hand on Thomas’ shoulder to cheer him up.

“You must be strong Thomas. I trust you. I always did and I’m sure that there must be something else that you don’t know.”

“I don’t know my friend. But, just tell me: are you sure that during the last 6 years I’ve never tried to make contact with you?”

“No, you didn’t. Neither me, nor Adriano, nor Marc, nor Grégoire… No one of our group of friends had news from you. Not even Chloé…”

Mathieu interrupt his speech when he saw Thomas that was about to start crying. He realized soon that he was still hurt each time he heard her name.

“I’m sorry… I didn’t want to…”

Thomas made an effort to not to cry.

“Don’t you worry; it’s not your fault.” Thomas breathed deeply. The moment to get news from Chloé had just arrived. “I know I lost her forever and there nothing I can do to change my pas now. However, I need to understand. I need to find what happened and what I've been doing all this time. I screwed and throw away my life that night. And I don’t even know why! Why Mathieu, why?!

Without realizing, Thomas was standing and shouting his friend. The cup was lying broken on the floor and the little Thomas was whimpering terrified. He was frightened. 

“I’m sorry Mathieu. I’ve lost my self-control and I made him cry…”

“It’s OK, just don’t be angry. I’m here to help you.”

“Mathieu, I’ve been escaping from my problems and feelings since I came back. I have to face them once and for all if I want to keep moving. I need to know what happened with Chloé after I was gone. Otherwise, that shitty feeling will consume me forever.”

“Are you sure you want to know this now? I think it’s not a good idea. Maybe, you are not ready yet to listen it…”

“I am not, but I have no other option.”

“Just tell me: are you still in love?”

“As I was the first day I meet here.”

“Fine, I guess it’s time that you hear the whole story.”

November, 22nd 2010

Chloé slept well that night. Finally, Thomas had taken a step forward and asked her to go to live together and she was dying to do it. Thomas hesitated plenty of times in order to take decisions and she wanted to verify if he was completely sure of himself. She knew that he wanted to go with her, but somehow she just needed to prove that he was the man of his life. Nevertheless, Thomas always became brave and he was able to express his feelings and his ideas: that is what she liked the most.

That morning, Chloé had to take a train in the Gare de Lyon station in order to go to the French Riviera where she had to spend a few days for work. Before boarding the TGV, she checked his mobile phone and saw that Thomas had not replied her since last night. It was strange, he always replied, but she thought that maybe his phone had run out of battery. In any case she wrote him a message wishing him a good day and she got on the train: “He would soon call me back.”

Three days later, Chloé was getting off in the same station angry: she was really pissed off regarding Thomas’ attitude: neither he had replied her messages, nor contacted her. He was just being an idiot with her and nothing made sense. He decided to call Camille, Mathieu’s girlfriend, as soon as she returned to her appartement.

“Camille?”

“Hi Chloé. How are you doing?”

“Well, it could be better…”

“Is something wrong?”

“I need to talk to Mathieu about Thomas. I understand nothing; he hasn’t contacted me for the last 3 years. I’m worried by him. Maybe, he had a problem, I just don’t know…”

“OK, I understand. Give me a few seconds but don’t you worry I’m sure that Mathieu knows something.”

Chloé waited impatiently on the other side of the phone. Mathieu answered as fast as he could.

“Chloé, is this true? Don’t you have any news of Thomas for the last four days?

“No, I don’t. I’m worried Mathieu. Do you know something? Please tell me yes…”

“Unfortunately I don’t know either. I’m sorry Chloé. Last thing I knew is that he was dining with you and that he had to tell you something important.”

“I don’t know what else I can do. His parents know nothing either.”

“Tell me exactly where you are now. I’m coming with Camille and let’s go to Mathieu’s apartment afterwards. ”

“Hurry up…”

Mathieu rushed with Camille and joined Chloé in front of Mathieu’s home, but it was completely empty. No one had been there in at least 3 or 4 days. Mathieu’s phone was missing but his money and some credit cards where there. He would not have flown without money. Two days later they reported it in the police office in order to start searching him. Thomas had been swallowed by the roar of time.

From that moment onwards, days were passing slowly and time started to acquire a new dimension for her. Every day, after she came home from work, she spent her time looking the screen of her cell phone, waiting a message from Thomas that would never receive. She had an useless faith and she thought that Thomas will appear one day of another in front of her door with a bucket of flowers asking her to forget him. But he never did and Chloé began to feel that half of her soul had also disappeared that cursed night of November. She stopped meeting her friends, she had problems to eat and the most important, she had nightmares where Thomas was asking her to save him form a mysterious dark creature that was holding him.

The inquiry moved on but it got stuck as soon as they recovered Thomas’ phone from the bottom of the Saint-Martin canal. It looked like that he had disappeared inside the subterranean tunnel beneath Richard Lenoir boulevard. She began to curse that area and entered in a lethargy transforming her in a person that acted like without feelings, just like a robot.

Days and months passed and in November 2012, two years later after Thomas’ went missing, his parents decided to gather family and closer friends as a tribute for Thomas’ memory. They did not want to call it “funeral” but as soon as Chloé walked in the house of Thomas’ parents, it made sick to her stomach. Everyone was dressed for mourning, even her. Her face was also expressionless.

“I know he’s not dead yet! I’m sure that one day he will come back.”

Thomas’ father was shouting to one of his cousins when he was trying to give condolences on behalf of his soon. His wife was mourning in a corner. Some of Thomas’ closer friends where there: Mathieu was trying not to cry next to Camille. Adriano was pale, Albert was about to faint and Marc and Grégoire where uncomfortable as they did not want to be there. Honestly, no one wanted to be there.

Chloé moved like a ghost between the people. Someone had put a picture on a table. Thomas was smiling her alongside his teammates from the rugby team of his university. There was him, in the center of the picture, unworried and happy. Without realizing, Cholé had taken the picture and was contemplating it crying in silence. At that moment, she felt observed for everyone and she wished as hard as she could to disappear with him.

“Chloé, are you OK?”

Camille was trying to get her attention. However, Chloé was about to explode: the situation was consuming her and she ran away from that horrible place as fast as she could, holding Thomas’ picture. When she came round she realized that she was standing in front of Arsenal’s port near to Bastille circus. Beneath the metro station, there was the underground water tunnel that connected the Saint-Martin canal with the Seine river. 

She descended to the quays and looked the tunnel defiant with her eyes full of tears. The darkness of the tunnel was trying to absorb the last feelings and emotions she still had. She took another look to the picture whilst it began to rain. Somehow, an image of a smiling Thomas appeared in front of her.

“Why were you so egoist? Why did you run away from me without telling me? Two years have already gone and I’m still waiting for your fucking explanation! And do you know what? You’re just a fucking useless liar! You promised me! You promise we would live together, that you would always be at my side. And you just disappear after that? What did I do to deserve this? Why did I do to hate me? I will tell you: you are a fucking shitty coward and a bad liar. I hate you Thomas. I wish I had never met you! You have destroyed my life, I will always hate you!

Chloé threw away the picture towards the entrance of the tunnel. It was raining in torrents but she remained to contemplate how the photo was sinking in the water.

“Farewell Thomas…”

2013 arrived and slowly she got rid of all the memories and pictures that she had with him until just one remained. They were both in the picture during their first year at the university. It was one of the first parties they did together. They were both smiling and looked younger. Thomas was grabbing her shoulder and she was a little bit embarrassed. He always was radiant and joyful. She turned the picture to read Thomas’ dedication:

The first one of all, Chloé: October 1^st 2005.

She nostalgically left it the picture at her side and grabbed her cell phone to call one of her friends.

“Diane? I was thinking and yes, you’re right. Tonight I will go out with you.”

She hung up, took her picture with Thomas and went to her balcony. The Seine river was shining at the sunset. She got the lighter she was keeping in her pocket and brought it near the picture. She hesitated for a moment but she finally ended lighting it up. Immediately after, she dropped the burning picture. She was looking at the picture that was disappearing as it was becoming ashes that were being spread by the wind.

It was time to get her old life back.